Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Being Challenged.

I am sure, I am not the only one that when I comes to being in a conversation where I feel like I am being challenged that it can be one of the hardest thing to just relax into and allow God to work. Well last night was one of those nights for me. I was at a girls craft night. (If you don't go to one or have a weekly time to get together with other women, I encourage you to do so... awesome!) Five of us ladies got into quite a few different conversations about parenting.

I am in such a raw place in parenting right now where pretty much a good portion of the day I think to myself... "man I feel like a crappy mom." Now I know that I have been in a short season of the joys of first trimester (x2 due to the miscarriage in Dec.) and that the cloud of exhaustion will lift at some point. But I still feel... again RAW.

It seems that in times of weakness when you feel a lack of confidence in an area where you are usually confident, God sends you another reminder that it takes more than just functioning on your own will and understanding of how to do things. I know God is not a cruel God.. goes against His very nature. But sometimes it's like... really now.. when I feel like everything is in chaos? WHY? Well here's my personal reminder. Life rarely works well on pushing through things with your head buried in the sand. Barreling through with either a stubborn determination or ommitance of personal choice in a circumstance or stage. So yes I guess it sometimes takes the place of humility for God to get your attention.

HUMILITY... yup that is where I am at.

Back to the challenging conversation. I don't think it was necessarily specific details or opinions on a topic. It was more of a reminder of how much I HATE the idea of coasting... but here I am in the middle of coasting through such vital development stages of my kids. UGH!! I hate having to admit that! GROSS!

Here's what I know. I hate coasting. I am coasting. I need to do something about it. I am going to do something about it. I am going to go back again to the drawing board. Not at the same starting point but at a new point with more wisdom, more support and more tools to do life well. To parent well.

Not that I ever feel like I will have "arrived" at any point, I sit here thankful. Thankful that I see God working in my life and through others speaking into my life. I know I am a good mom and I am truly working hard at being a better mom. I am also sooo thankful to be surrounded by good moms who are working hard at being better moms.

Day by day, step by step. God will help me to do this thing called motherhood well.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Where I am at today.

I have a laundry room full of laundry. A sink full of dishes and a house that is completely trashed.

But in it all I have four girls that are happy.

The older three are playing house and the littlest one is trying my bra on for size. (It looks more like a football players shoulderpads. I'll have to explain later what it is for.) The sound of their little voices are truly a wonder. I love it. Although I wish I had the magic answer with how to have both. To have a perfectly clean house and happy contented children.

I have heard so many times from so many different seasoned moms. "You'll never remember the clean/dirty house, you'll only remember the treasured times with your kids." I totally 100% believe that is true. Then how do I keep my mind in check. I wan't to be a good steward of the home that God has given me and also the amazing childen that he has entrusted me with. Where is the balance?
As I am sitting here I am being challenged. Being a good steward of our time. There it is. I remember saying to another mom at a shower a while ago. That I think we all have more time then we give ourselves credit for having. Am I really that busy? When I look at my life is it really that full of stuff that I can't change or do anything about? It's all about choice and where we spend our time. hmmm.... and now... I am signing off. :) I have some kiddies to pay attention to and a house to steward.


So here it all starts.

I love the idea of getting out thoughts and expressing feelings and being real. I am not sure if this is something I will keep doing or whether it will just be for a time. But I know that I love reading about real peoples lives and the challenges that come from different stages of life and different experiences. I love being encouraged and challenged at the same time.... I also enjoy writing. So I am challenging myself to try something new. I told a friend of mine fairly resently when she started her own blog that I wasn't brave enough to do so myself. Now whether ready or not here I go. YAY!! FUN!!