Monday, April 4, 2011

Embracing Marriage

As we come close to another summer there are many weddings on the horizon. I LOVE weddings!!! There is something about two people looking into eachothers eyes with the glimmer of tears confessing their vows to one another that brings goosebumps all over. It's so beautiful. What an incredible day. The day that you get married. Adam and I will have been married for 8 years as of April 12th. We are still babes to many of you who are years ahead of us. But one thing forsure is I am so thankful for the journey that we have been on together already. When I got married at the age of 19. I knew that it wasn't going to be a walk in the park but I also didn't know what real life actually looked like. I didn't realize that there would be significant bumps in the road. That there would be times of heart wrenching moments through out our life together. Although I was purposeful to embrace what I thought was reality. I also embraced the fantasy that Adam would be perfect and that I would be a perfect wife for him. Hahaha! Life is an incredible journey and so is marriage. What I am learning now in year 8 is that the passion that I felt for Adam in the begining in a strange and dynamic way is still the same passion I feel for him now. Even though I now know that he's not perfect and that I have messed up so many moments. God has given us so many revelations on what marriage is and how to do it the best way possible through many avenues. Through others in our lives, through the bible and through worked out issues between us. Here are a couple of things that have brought us to this point where we can say honestly, that we are more in love now than we were 8 years ago.

 #1 Unity Completely connected to eachother no matter what the situation or circumstances might come into play. How do you create unity? With the realization that whatever is going on, being connect is ultimately your #1 priority. Lay down pride and create your precursers. I love you, I want the best for you and I want the best for our marriage. Never say or purpose to bring the other partner down but do everything in your power to lift the other half up, whether it is in a challenge a confrontation or an encouragement. The goal is to create unity, not to make yourself feel better at the expense of the other. Stay as far away from selfishness as possible. Selfishness kills relationships.

#2 Cherish Going beyond just loving someone. Showing your spouse that you truly embrace who they are as a person and what they bring to your life. How do you cherish your spouse? You take the time to think about them. Put yourself in their shoes. Even when you don't feel like it do something special. Laugh with your spouse. Cry with your spouse. Tell them often why you love them and what you like about them in detail. Touch everyday. Kiss everyday, even the days you don't feel like it. Find joy in all the little moments with eachother.

 #3 Passion The way you show your husband or wife that you love them. How do you show passion? Passion is multi-faceted. Keep your physical relationship a priority. Love on eachother often. Be extravagant with your praise and with your challenge. The passion that you show with your spouse when you are happy with them should be the same passion you show when you see something that will effect your relationship negatively. If its a big deal let it be a BIG DEAL! Don't let things fester under the surface. Always deal with issues. (Of course while being in unity and cherishing eachother)

#4 Strength Being the support to your spouse when they are weak. Don't allow yourself to become selfishly motivated when your husband or wife is going through a rough patch. Embrace the saying when you are weak I am strong. Know that we all have times of sadness, depression and fatigue. Stay strong and support by staying in unity (humility), cherishing (supporting and loving) and showing passion (in encouragment and loving challenge). Also acknowlege when you are weak and thank your spouse for being there when you needed them.

#5 Relationships Staying connected to others. A good marriage is never accomplished alone. You are only as strong as those that you are connected too. Surround yourself with those who have the same values and beliefs as you. Have others in your life that you look up to and respect. Be purposeful in asking questions and being open about where you are at even if you are going through hard times. Have those who have a younger relationship in your life. You always have tips you can give ;) and it brings reminders of where you have come from and the memories that you have built together.

#6 Goals Make goals together. Whether its individual goals and desires or family goals. Do it together so you are able to support eachother to see the goals accomplished. Rejoice in every accomplishment. It's a big deal. Show in your actions how important your relationship is by staying aware of eachothers passions and desires.

Finally and most importantly,

 #7 God Belief and trust in God. Knowing that he has all the revelation and support that you need to keep your relationship strong. As you live life together aimed at a higher purpose than yourself you are able to stay away from selfishness and create a beautiful love story. Refinement is always to come. I love embracing what I can to become a better wife to my husband. I am excited to learn more lessons and to gain a greater revelation on what it takes to keep our marriage strong. I encourage all you who are married to keep your marriage strong and a priority. And all you who are looking to get married. Learn lots, practise lots, continue to grow and never listen to the negative opinions on marriage. You can have passionate relationship to last a life time!!! For all you who have been married for longer. I would love to hear you thoughts and advice to add to my 8 years!!!


  1. Once again, blown away with your words of wisdom. Niven and I will be married for 8 years in July and together for 14 years in the same month. I have learned so much in those eight years, and like you I was just a "baby" when we got married. We grew up together and learned as we went along. I love your key "strength" When you are weak, I am strong! Niven has gone through a lot of trials in the last few years and I have been his strength. Pouring love on him and encouraging him. The world may have thrown us some bad luck, but look what we have. We are so lucky in Love. I feel blessed to have found my true love so early in life as I know you do as well.
    You are right, Life is complicated, but with a partnership so strong with mutual respect and adoration for each other. Marriage is the greatest gift. In a time where it seems like every where I look one more marriage is ending, I feel blessed to have a husband who I am more in love with everyday, every passing year the adventure just gets better!

  2. Beautiful Devin! Just Beautiful!