Thursday, February 9, 2012

Training a child to be a good friend.

So High school was never my favorite place to be. In fact I think I loathed it to be quite honest. I have very few memories of when I was in school where I actually enjoyed the experience or even wanted to be there. It's funny though how you create your own illusion of what you think happened. It's so easy to turn a blind eye and forget what you would rather not return to, than to do some retrospective thinking of what in actuality was happening during a season that you would prefer to not remember.

So thinking on high school the movie "Mean Girls" comes to mind. The Hollywood version of high school. Although it's greatly exaggerated, I have to admit many of the feelings that arose during watching that movie was pretty close to the real deal. In my mind I would consider myself the out cast. The one that didn't fit in. In many cases it was not within my control but in others it totally was.

Grade 8 grad. Can you pick me out of the bunch? (Ps these were not the "mean girls")

I started out with a decent view of school had a nice group of friends, not a whole lot but a small group of people that I enjoyed, from the past and a few new faces also. Recently I was reminded by my mom that I was even on the honour role in grade 9. To be honest I had forgotten that grade 9 actually wasn't that bad. Grade 10 came in so quick to make that memory fade. Relationships dissolved and my life turned in a completely different direction of my friends who turned their back on my prideful faith.

I have home schooled my girls for a few years now and I continually need to process how to train them to handle relationships. The two older girls specifically are both old enough to understand a decent amount of social norms and how to behave. But my desire for them is to not just be "good girls" but to be a positive influence where ever they go. I don't want them to need to be "popular" (whatever that means) but to develop a character that serves others, who is independently content knowing who they are in Christ plus sucessful and influential wherever their social circle and personality lends them. Tall order!
Now I totally understand that grade 9-12 at school is a massive difference from home schooled elementary students, but we have to start somewhere. If I am going to teach my girls how to handle themselves within relationships I need to know where I went wrong. Looking back and remembering where my heart position was... it didn't look good. Seldom was I looking for what I could do for others but what they could do to make ME happy. I wasn't standing on the promises and confidence of God but placing my pride in myself and my ability to put on a pretty front and pretend that I was better than others. I had an arrogant and entitlement mentality that was only out to get something for me. YUCK! Now don't get me wrong I am definitely not forgetting how cruel that some of the girls were, but I can't change people I can only change myself. So I remember my attitude and forget the nastiness that hurting girls do to others.

To get back to parenting. My girls were outside today with a bunch of neighbour kids having a blast. They were all playing soccer outside, talking and laughing... and... one of my girls telling the other kids how to do things the right way... another sitting on the step mopping because she didn't think she could play the game well,  and one of my girls again selfishly pausing the game to do whatever she wanted to do... plus all of them creating SUPER drama out of the most minuscule of things..... hmmmmmm...... YA I have a whole lot of work to do still... (Not that I have ever once thought I had arrived!!!!!!) I had a GOOD chat with them after they came in about how to be a good friend in order to make good friends... and well just to develop a healthy character. It went over pretty good... but now getting a bit more introspective... we still have a lot to do to help them continue to become fantastic young ladies.

So here's to parenting purposefully. Looking straight into who we are as a person, where we have come from and tearing apart our own motives and tendencies, in order to help grow as a parent.

Lets launch our kids as FAR off of our shoulders as we possibly can!!!!


  1. love it! cant change others, you can only change you. that is wisdom!!
    so proud of you.


  2. Jennifer Ney: love your blog Nicole! you have so many good points about high school that are so true!

  3. Thanks Jen that means A LOT to me being a friend from school!!!

  4. Sara Adams: I was thinking yesterday about the Proverb, "Bad company corrupts good character." In my mind that went straight to friends and then it hit me. . . .I am the sole most influential person in my girls life at the moment, I am the one they spend THE most time with. Yikes.

  5. Jennifer Nev: I know it was 4 years of my life that wasn't really memorable at all. I am such a different person then what I was at that age. Im sure we all are. It is great that you are teaching your girls about relationships at such a young age :)

  6. Flavia Sargeant: great post...such truth, sometimes hard to swallow especially when we look in the mirror that is our children's faces, responses, attitutes etc. but good to keep being aware and willing to your blog, keep being so insightful♥