It's amazing how much you can learn about someone with just the simple question, "What is God doing in your life?" Time and time again, I get amazing stories of the journey God has faithfully seen people through and Lindsey Anderson is definately one of them. I was in tears reading this blog. It touched my heart because, it's a familiar story one that many of us can relate to.
Lindsey, is one of my girls favorites. They talk about her often, inspired to become all that they are created to be. I absolutely love love love it!!! Thank you Lindsey, for being open enough to allow God to show you who you are. You have such a vital place in this world and in our church. Thank you for being another woman who leads by example.
Lots of love and huge blessings to you as you begin another part of your journey, I am so excited for you!!!!
"When God closes a door...."
By Lindsey Anderson
I have just recently finished a leadership intern program at my church and all I can say about the internship is that it was INTENSE! I spent 10 months learning about God, being a leader and serving in the church. I don’t think I’ve ever spent that much time hearing about God in all my life. A big thing that I learned about myself during this 10 month internship is that I don’t value myself and I put my value in others. I have struggled with this issue since grade 2. The day I realized this I was completely shocked! I never thought that I could not value myself. At that time in my life I was heavily involved in the dance team, I was teaching dance, children’s ministry and had an amazing passion for God. I was on top of the world… till I learned this core belief about myself. I didn’t like who I was… now for someone like me who is bubbly and loud and emotional beyond belief, that realization hit me really hard.
Throughout my internship I was depressed… none of my classmates knew it, but I’m pretty sure that they had an idea of what was going on. I didn’t know how to overcome this core belief. The only way I saw myself overcoming it was if people would tell me how amazing I am. But that I knew was never going to happen so my depression got worse. I stopped talking in class (which if none of you know is pretty much a requirement). I avoided my classmates when they asked me how I was doing and I isolated myself from the world and God. If none of you know yet I am a dancer at Koinonia Christian Fellowship, a very passionate dancer. Good Friday was just around the corner and I was practicing a dance for it. I like to take a few minutes and listen to the words of the song, close my eyes and feel how that singer is singing it. When I did this I had this sense of peace come over me and I knew that God was healing my heart. After Good Friday I realized that my value needs to come from God and no one else. So to this day I’m still trying to walk out that realization but it is tricky at times and I know that I need to continue to stay in the word of God and hold on to that truth.
What God is doing now in my life… hmm well there has been a lot happening in my life; you already know of that first but the second is dance. I auditioned at George Brown College for a dance program but didn’t get in. They told me right after the audition was finished and at that moment I didn’t feel anything. My parents had come with me to support me and once I saw my dad I felt this huge weight in my chest and I crumbled emotionally. After that day I didn’t want to dance any more. I hated the fact that I lost my balance a lot because I had such small toes you wouldn’t even believe, I also hated the fact that I wasn’t good enough to get into a dance school. It has been my dream to get into a dance school and be like the girls on those dance movies. A few weeks later God told me that my identity is not in what I do but in who I am. When God told me this I cried for a good hour and thought over my life to this point dance wise. I have danced for years but never competitively, I was kicked off the dance team which almost ended my passion for dance and my life. I had many thoughts of suicide, but God had other plans for me. I got past suicide and got into God more and more throughout my internship this year. My vision for dance was always about me and what ‘I’ could do. I went to Winnipeg’s Springs Church and my vision for dance changed after talking and watching their dance team. My vision for dance changed from ‘I’ to ‘we’. What can ‘we’ as dancers do to influence the next generation and preach about God through dance. Dance has such a powerful way to express a story, dance can heal hearts, mend broken lives, and ultimately bring you closer to God. An amazing mom told me the day I auditioned that: “When God closes a door he opens another one.” When she told me this I didn’t want to believe it till one day when I applied for a job on kijiji, I found this one job that teaches dance to kids in different schools and community centers all over Kitchener/Waterloo, Brantford, London, Toronto and more. A few weeks later I was hired and realized that this job was the other door that God has opened for me!
I am so excited to be doing this job and my encouragement to all of you is to remember that your identity comes from God and your identity in others will not satisfy your hunger for feeling valued. Another thing is that God may close a door that you were hoping believing ad praying you would be able to walk through, but he will open a door that is SO much better than the door he closed. You just need to trust God and never give up!