Ariel, what a beautiful blog. Thank you for you openness and encouragement to so many women. I pray that you continue to see the immense value that God has created in you. May you grow in strength and maturity. May you see the light in every circumstance and the power of being led by the authorities in your life. May your family be core and your friends be an overwhelming healthy encouragement in your relationship with God!!!
by Ariel Bondy
So, I decided to share with all of you something I have struggled with since last summer. I believe each woman, young or old, struggles with this in some form. Not to point out how terrible my life has been, but so you can learn from my mistakes.
It all started when I bought my grade eight grad dress. It was tight and I was terrified I wouldn’t fit into it by grad. I didn’t know it then, but that started a long journey in the world of self worth that I am still going through today. I started to worry about my weight. When I started school, I was so self conscious about myself, simply because the waist of my pants were so tight! I began comparing. Everyone else suddenly seemed skinnier. And to me, skinny suddenly meant perfection. So, I just stopped eating. I hid it from my parents. I would eat very little at breakfast and dinner and skip lunch at school. In a few months my already healthy weight dropped eight pounds. Soon, symptoms of anorexia were starting to appear. I would get exhausted very, very easily. I was suddenly into exercising, and I hadn’t had my period in months. My teachers told my parents they were concerned because my bright personality had changed, the sparkle in my eyes had vanished.
It was all one big cycle. I found my worth from appearances. So when I compared to others, I felt worthless, and the way I handled that was to starve myself to be more beautiful. But once I did that, I would look in the mirror and feel even uglier, because of how gaunt I looked. So, to deal with that, I would cease eating more. Get the cycle idea? And then, when my parents found out, they really helped me and encouraged me to gain my weight back. But, when I gained weight, I would feel worthless and want to lose it again. So, I was in a pretty dangerous position.
Right now, I have been set free from that. It was a long painful process, because my stomach had shrunk, so I had to eat a bit more than I used to each day, which resulted in many stomach aches after each meal. But, looking back, I am so happy I’m through that. With that said, although I am physically healed, emotionally, I still really struggle. I don’t feel the need to lose weight anymore, but the thoughts or lies behind them are still woven deep into my heart. So, it’s still something I am working at.
So, through all of that, I want to encourage each of you to stop and find where your value lies. We should find our value in God, because when we don’t, we look elsewhere. Then, we are trying to fill a void impossible to fill by ourselves. When we aren’t in God’s presence, we lose our sense of purpose and value, because God is our purpose and value. The farther away you are from God, the worse you will feel about yourself, and trust me, I know first hand how that feels. So, we just need to maintain a strong relationship with God. And don’t ever reject yourself, because in doing that you are rejecting God. Because I can promise you, that you will disappoint yourself every time, but God won’t. Ever.
Let Him break whatever cycle of lies you find yourself in, because only then will you reach His light…