Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Toddler Tuesday: Biblical back ground into discipline
Hello all again!!!
We have been talking about how our role as a parent is to TEACH and PROTECT.
Today I was going to talk about the beginnings of how "Protect" plays out in our house. I find that protection links very closely with the discipline side of parenting. The reasoning is because we want our kids to know what are good and bad choices. Then how to navigate a healthy life in the future without putting themselves in dangerous situations.
To even start to explain Protection, I think I am going to need to back up a little and head into biblical reasons why God has entrusted us with children to raise instead of them coming out of the womb self sufficient... although at times... I do think that would be pretty cool... But then I look back on all those precious moments with the new born babies and I just can't help feeling such an awe at the way God has set up humanity.
We as parents are entrusted to represent God to our children until the day that they are old enough to translate that authority over to be led by God. Here's the "ouch" part for those of us who are dealing with issues right now... "Our behaviour flows from our beliefs, from the way we interpret the world around us." (pg39) Therefore to protect our kids we need to teach them in a healthy way what freedom, respect, love and self-control is. So that their behaviour is coming out of a healthy core belief instead of a dysfunctional core belief.
I hope this is easy to follow... I'm going to breathe and try to laser point it...
Hmmm why don't I pull out a part of the the book "Loving our Kids on Purpose." pg43
"Unfortunately, many of us, whether believers or not, continue to raise our children according to an Old Testament paradigm. It is still common or "natural" to believe that mistakes or sin must be punished. The parenting model that flows from this paradigm presents a "punisher" role for the parent and creates an "outside-in" approach to learning about life for the child.
In the New Covenant, God relates to the believer in a new way, through writing His "law on our hearts and minds" When the law is written on our hearts and minds and when God Himself dwells in us, we no longer need to be controlled from the outside, because we have the capability and responsibility to control ourselves - to tell ourselves what to do and to make ourselves do it."
"But on the cross, Jesus dealt with the condition that required God to relate to us from the outside. As a result, punishment, wrath, and intimidation have all disappeared from His attitude toward us. God is a safe place. Because sin has been dealt with in the New Covenant, we no longer need to be punished or controlled but need to learn to manage our freedom responsibly, which changes the goal of government as well as the goal of parenting. When Love and freedom replace punishment and fear as the motivating forces in the relationship between parent and child, the quality of life improves dramatically for all involved. They feel safe with each other, and the anxiety that created distance in the relationships is chased away by the sense of love, honor and value for one another."
When I first read this... it was such a HUGE change of mindset for me... my goal was totally to have the kids punished for bad behaviour...
So how have we begun to change the way we discipline to protect our kids....
We have two checks that we will ask the kids that keep us in line and also confirms good core beliefs in them.
#1: Do I look angry?
- We should never be looking at our kids with anger in our eyes or deal with problems in anger. If we address issues with love and tenderness in eyes, rarely will our kids have their backs up and see us as the problem/bad guy but the solution and a help in times of need.
#2: Am I disappointed in you?
- God is never disappointed in us. He created us in his image. He calls us good!!! He love us unconditionally no matter what we do... performance will never equate more or less love!! There for our kids need to know that even in moments where they fail. They are NEVER a disappointment to us!!!
Both of these helps us to be sure we are not disciplining out of shame, blame or guilt!
Well... I think this is a good place to stop...
Funny enough the biggest reason is because I just ended up in a conflict with a couple of the girls, and I totally dealt with the problem out of frustration.... like who puts toothpaste and after piercing lotion with water in a cup then pours it all over the bathroom counter!!! EHHWWWW!!! shesh... so... good example here... we are all such imperfect parents... trying our best!!!
The point is... lets learn and grow from each experience!!!
~ Lord thank you for entrusting us with these precious little babes!!! You have created such a unique way for each of us to grow and learn in the safety of a home. I thank you Lord for making a way for us to live in a relationship with you with out punishment, wrath, and intimidation. God I thank you that you are a SAFE PLACE for us to rest in. God let us not take for granted our role as these children's parents! May we see our purpose closely linked to how they will interpret Your heart for them. In all that I thank you that you cover our failures and give us ways to grow and become more purposeful parents. ~
Blessings to you wonderful moms!!!