Friday, June 28, 2013

Your Hands: by JJ Heller

I was listening to this on the radio... and really felts stirred to share.

So for you who need to know that God is always there for you.

In tears, in sadness, in those unanswered prayers.

He is still there!!!

He Loves You!!!

Your Hands
by JJ Heller

I have unanswered prayers
I have trouble I wish wasn't there
And I have asked a thousand ways
That You would take my pain away
That You would take my pain away

I am trying to understand
How to walk this weary land
Make straight the paths that crookedly lie
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine
Oh Lord, before these feet of mine

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

When You walked upon the Earth
You healed the broken, lost, and hurt
I know You hate to see me cry
One day You will set all things right
Yea, one day You will set all things right

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave Your hands

Your hands
Your hands that shape the world 
Are holding me, they hold me still
Your hands that shape the world
Are holding me, they hold me still

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave You when...

When my world is shaking
Heaven stands
When my heart is breaking
I never leave...
I never leave Your hands

Wednesday, June 26, 2013

The Embarrassment Factor of Pregnancy

I was on pinterest today... looking at all the beautiful pictures of "perfect" pregnant ladies.

You know... the ones with the incredible baby figure!!! Who shine and glow and look like they have it all together... Well I just had to sigh. 

This is #6 for me... and I have yet to have one of those fantasy pregnancies. 

Now don't get me wrong...  this is not a post of the horror of pregnancy... I tell you... I have heard enough of those over the years to basically scare off every single young woman I know... (which is why... if you ask me about pregnancy and labor/birth... you will hear about the incredible parts of my pregnancies!!! Pregnancy and birth should NOT be a fearful thing!!!) It's intended to be a post on the funny side of my personal journey so far.

SO, basically... I have found myself completely out of my graceful tendencies and into a mode of filter-less mess!!!! 

As I take time to think about this new season... (yes, every baby has felt like a new season... even for the well seasoned if not over flavored moms) I cannot help but wonder what God is teaching me through this. 

Here we go... I am going to tell you a few of my encounters... so you can all have a good laugh at my expense and be a part of the journey as of late... 

... a few of the typical pregnancy symptoms have found me at quite the inopportune moments.

It started at a recent young adults camping trip... I was enjoying relaxing with a few of the leaders for the weekend lounging out on chairs and watching a volley ball game go on in front of us. We were in a full blown conversation, it was really good...  really good... that is until the volley ball flew out towards my head causing me to flip back in my chair... AND.... wait for it... let out a huge TOOT!!! O my gosh... I could have died... no one said anything at first as I collected myself... then one of the guys couldn't hold it back... "DID I JUST HEAR THAT???" 
"Yup, yes you did..." How do you even move on from that... 

... well for me apparently not well... 

It wasn't three days later that my incredible husband took me out on a date... 
I was sooooooo excited... a movie... and some fun yummy food!!! Perfect!!! I ordered what seemed awesome choices at the time....a slushie and of course what pairs better with that then a New York Fries Poutine!!! YUM!!!! 
We got into the theater and I was pumped. STAR TREK (yup I am a closet Trekkie). I started into my perfect late night treat... and almost couldn't keep still the movie was so exciting... slowly though that excitement faded, as the combination of slushie/poutine began to mix with a full action movie, complete with flashing lights and quick movements of the camera... 20 minutes into the movie... I was not feeling good. Which quickly turned to really bad as motion sickness and morning sickness collided. I couldn't even turn to Adam to tell him what was going on... 5 minutes later I was trying to settle my stomach so that my worst nightmare didn't come true... then... when I felt as collected as I knew would be possible... I delicately got out of the chair and walked carefully towards the door, through the exit and towards the bathroom... 
... that's when it happened... 
... I couldn't hold it in any longer... within seconds... all that fun food found it's way all over the entrance of the bathroom.... 
... needless to say... I did not get to finish that movie... BUT>>> that was not the end of the story...

After only two days of recovery from that.... 

The girls and I headed off to pick up Leanna from school... 
I was pretty pumped because I hadn't seen a bunch of the moms in such a long time. (A neighbor of mine offered as the snow kicked in to bring Leanna to and from school, instead of me trying to get all the kids ready. Plus Leanna and her daughter enjoy walking together. She had let me know that she wasn't free that day... so I jumped to the opportunity to show off the baby belly and say hello!!!) 
As I got to the school, I was welcomed with so many smiles and points at the belly. Pretty fun to show off #6 in the making. My girls asked if they could go and play on the play ground as I chatted and I said they could.   Not long after that I was fully engulfed in a conversation again... then I heard two of my girls screaming at the top of their lungs. "MOM, Shay's up really high!!! She's going to fall... MOOOOMMMMMM!!!" I turned around to see Shaylee on the top of a ladder that curves around open 5-6ft off of the ground. In a panicked state I ran towards her... while 8-10 other mom's watched in horror... while my UNFORTUNATE sense of body awareness and balance failed me... my left foot did not make it over the plastic border around the pebbles... and I tripped and flew face first into surprisingly soft rocks.... 
I heard an audible gasp!!!

Completely Mortified!!! 

That's how I felt as I ungracefully rolled over, checking that my shirt was covering all the vitals... (feeling in the moment that my boobs must have flown out of the shirt since not much more could have occurred to trash any sense of pride) I was fumbling my way to a standing position... when I remembered that Shay was still dangling at a dangerous height above the ground... well I turned and ran and reached up and saved her!!! As I pulled her down I called the rest of the girls... and turned to the captivated audience... sheepishly giggling I said, "well now that I have made quite a performance out of myself... I guess it is time to go home."

And that's what I did... 

So what am I trying to learn through all of this??!!!

#1 Life has a tendency of being out of control and as much as I HATE the thought of that... It's okay. I need to find a way of being in peace and confidence in the midst of unexpected chaos. 

#2 God is in control. In each of these circumstances... the worst could have happened... from... peeing my pants to throwing up all over the people in front of me at the theater... and actually hurting myself and the baby when I landed on my face!!!

#3 It's good to be able to laugh at myself. Posting this on here is my way of taking a step towards not taking life so seriously!!!

Well dear friends... as I stumble my way through another week... I love you... and praying this week is finding you all amazing and in good spirits!!! May we all continue to giggle at those little mishaps that occur beyond our control!!!!  :) 

Thanks for joining me in another raw addition of the Pregnant filter-less Passionate Women episode teheheheehehe!!


Ps. Here's a picture of Shay just being Shay... not caring about what others think of her... something else that I am learning...

Friday, June 21, 2013

The Fad of the BIG "M" - Modesty!!!

I saw this video on a young girls FB wall and felt compelled to share. But it didn't seem to do much justice merely re-posting the video on facebook because... well to be honest I simply didn't want to be judged with a message that has the potential to make me look like one of those fanatic christian "prudes." (....just being real...)

SO Wow!! This trend of modesty is seemingly becoming a "fad" big deal! With this one... shesh... did I ever get convicted and encouraged and... frustrated all at the same time. On one hand..  I find myself back in high school irritated that I am being told to embrace the responsibility of dressing modestly. Taking a moment to admit I was absolutely one of those teens who stuck my nose up in the air and believed, "so just don't look!!" And although my goal was to always keep "stuff" covered, I tell you most of what I wore was skin tight and included some pretty wild 4 inch heels. Which for the majority of my attire, showed off just as much if not more of my "perfectly" well matured 17 year old figure. To be real here... I enjoyed the attention. ugh. I know!! Super yucky!!!!!

Now with a momma figure, that is "blooming" with baby (and well a few too many late night cheeseburgers. ;) wink wink, don't judge until you've been I guess most of the time now I have more of a tendency to work my hardest to hide it... let alone flaunt it... but I do have that innate feeling of... wanting those moments back when you knew the whistle and cat call were directed at you.

Sooo that's the one, hand... now on the other... I am raising. 5!!! YES 5 WOMEN!!! (Possibly 6, only time will tell on that one... few more weeks baby... you may all just get to find out early... tehehehehe, oops getting side tracked) So being a mother of 5 growing and learning young ladies... do I ever have a huge ache in my heart to show them and teach them how to live in this society with modesty. To bring them up to be women with a stunning character, charm and beauty that shines bright... with out the need to flaunt the "figure" in order to gain the attention.

... I am a work in process as a woman and as a mother... but as I take time to think... and ponder and talk it out. As I watch these videos and get into the minds of others. I find myself slowly becoming more of the mother and teacher that I desire to be... and more importantly I find myself growing and maturing as a woman myself.

I was in a conversation recently with a good friend of mine who's husband from some people's perspective may be a little over the top with her on the modesty of her clothing. They have discussed in depth about lengths of skirts and heights of tops. For real!!! That conversation challenged me. Pretty amazing to work out in such detail something that really is that important, props to you guys!! (Side note.... Surround yourself with those people who challenge you!!! It's a love/hate internal feeling... but it's a really really good thing!!!)

So... I'll be the one to challenge you who have watched this and who are reading... Be CONVICTED!!! Lets take the time to actually work out these things... don't just pick up or put on that outfit because you look "hot" in it...
To all you young gals... yep... I am a talkin' to you too!!! Take the time to work it out... I say this often.. but I'll say it again... as I head into my 30th year .... IT IS A BIG DEAL!!!

Love you all again...

Thanks for reading my personal rant tonight.


Tuesday, June 18, 2013

Not about feelings!!!

It is June 18th and about a month since I have updated.

A lot has been happening on the home front over the last couple months!! Adam resigned from his job with good friends of ours to step out in faith and accept a position that God lead to our door step. Morning sickness has finally eased it's hand on this pregnancy. And I have found two little bundles, 3 yrs and 11 mths of boy energy in my house starting full time this week until the end of August. Plus on top of it renovations including a new office for Adam upstairs and a bedroom in the basement to be started soon for a couple of the girls once the baby is born.

Life is feeling quite full. So I am taking a moment here while Adam heads off to take Leanna to school and pick up a stroller system for the new baby and my four girls are contently playing and giggling with the boys.

To be honest I find it difficult to pull out some spiritual moment in a season when life is surrounded by survival and physical needs of myself and all those around me... but I guess that is where the lesson is.

Life is not about feelings. If we get wrapped up thinking that being close to the presence of God is having the emotions of feeling "it" then that would mean when we are having a hard time, God is far from us, right???!!! Of course the answer is NO!!! That is the furthest from the truth!!! In these moments of busy. I need to remember that God is always with me, beside me, leading me. He is always right there ready to give me the strength to make it through another amazing full day!!

So I have a prayer or statement of faith on my board at home to remind me. "Choose a good attitude beyond your challenges and the Joy of the Lord will be your strength. Choose JOY!!"

I think I am learning... that being in a state of "choice", instead of a state of "feeling"... I have a much easier time being fulfilled at the end of the day instead of merely spent and exhausted.

Blessings to you dear friends. Although it may be few and far between in the next few months, know you are all on my heart often. I think of you and pray for you. Be encouraged and keep those influences in your life that bring a message of hope and life!!!

Lots of love

O and for your pleasure... here is a picture of our baby #6 to be born Nov. 5th, or somewhere around there!!! Good to remember what life is all about!!! Not ourselves but those around us!!!