Monday, July 28, 2014

Just for me!

I have been pondering for a few months about this blog and if it is an out dated way of expression. So I am writing today for me. To process my thoughts and to learn from what God is doing in my life.

I feel as though so much has happened in such a short period of time that it is hard to even begin.

I am so thrilled at where we are and at the same time feel quite overwhelmed in the midst too.

To date I find myself in the middle of a lesson. Again.... :)

I was listening to a sermon on Sunday that really got me thinking about where I have been putting my focus. A question was raised about taking time to ponder if there was something that had become an idol in my life.

It is amazing how fast our focus can change from a healthy perspective to a crumby selfish one.

December 13th last year we moved into a pretty amazing house. 3000sq ft. of brand new perfectly built for us space. We are a couple years out from being able to finalize it as our own. But details aside, this is our 20 year long term, settle in house.

An overwhelming blessing. We were in shock for about 2 months after moving in. Literally brought to tears as we walked down the stairs in the morning and looked around at what we never thought could be possible.

We have been living here for about 7 months and admittedly the shock has worn off. The everyday grind of taking care of the space has somewhat taken it's tole on me. I have become focused on the task of keeping up with cleaning and organizing and decorating "to make it ours". Now I acknowledge that I am in a season of 6 children and a vibrant growing business that is all working out of one home. But something has changed within me. It is not merely cleaning and decorating. It's like the simplicity of life has turned into a complexity of striving...
Striving for what>>> for an image? for perfection? My time has become spent more on obsessing over what else I need to do to make a space look awesome then it is on creating an atmosphere of a home that embraces all who come in. The joy that I held dear and would rest in most of my days has become a worry of the next task that needs to be accomplished.

It's funny because doing house work to me isn't all that difficult. Specifically when I am at a healthy place in my spirit and I am being purposeful with my time. But... when taking care of a house becomes more about an image (idol) then creating a healthy well stewarded home for my family... something is off.

Last night we had some friends over and hubby and I got the opportunity to express why this home is so dear to what we believe God has called us to. In expressing the passion of God working through these 4 walls... I was challenged. I have forgotten to leave the working part of this home to be that of the Holy Spirit not the grind of my own crazed cleaning frenzy.

So here I am at cross roads again. I will open up my heart to learn and grow.... I will choose to be convicted and pushed to a healthy perspective.

Thank you Lord for not leaving me in my muck!!!

I will choose to leave the striving behind and let the impact of our home to be that of a Good God and an inexplicable peace!

Psalm 46:10 "Cease striving and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth"